Anonymous asked: Ooh I want in on the fun questions. Sexiest movie you've ever seen?
XD I don’t even know! To be honest, Snape in the Harry Potter movies makes me cream myself every time he’s onscreen, but those movies are otherwise pretty unsexy. Shortbus has good bits, but again, some really emotionally rough stuff too. Secretary has a few scenes that turn me into a buzzing puddle of positive feelings, but the rest of the movie makes me want to set fire to the DVD.
Just to remind folks: if you’re writing in with serious questions, I WILL answer them, because I do think they’re important, but it may take me a week or more. Some folks have written in with urgent questions and because of my own emotional stuff and various offline obligations, I can’t usually get to them right away. But if you’re patient I will answer! <3
Anonymous asked: I’m sorry to bother you when you’re going through a hard time yourself, but I’ve had no luck finding resources with a simple Google source. I was emotionally abused by my mother, and I’m experiencing incredibly intense waves of rage and thoughts of violence towards her (she’s changed and I do love her while acknowledging what she did to me). I’m in no way contemplating committing violent acts, but the thoughts and feelings are scaring me. Any advice on how to manage this in a healthy way? Thank you.
**
It’s okay to have vengeful thoughts and intense feelings. If you’re clear that you won’t act on these impulses, see what happens if you just let yourself think them. Let them be what they are, knowing that they can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Sometimes what we need is to give ourselves permission to be that angry, and when we do the anger will pass through us naturally in time. It’s okay to be angry and to love someone at the same time.
It can also help to have a way to express the anger which isn’t harmful. This might mean going somewhere secluded and just screaming, or beating your mattress with a baseball bat, or writing violent stories about what you want to happen and then burning them. Whatever works for you!
Sometimes we need to feel angry at someone for a while and it’s healthiest to create some distance while we do. If you need to, it’s okay for you to take space away from your mother to let these feelings pass through you. It may take a day, a month, a year. That’s okay. Sometimes taking space can be part of a long-term plan to be closer and safer with someone.
Anonymous asked: Nearly all of my friends have experienced abuse in some form or another, sometimes we joke that if we combine our experiences, we’d win bingo. (ah, morbid jokes) some of us dealt with it in healthy ways, some not so healthy, but we’ve all managed to deal with it in some form or another. except for one friend, who outright avoids dealing with it. normally i’d just leave it be, but she’s starting to display some very worrisome behaviors and it’s getting out of hand. how can i help her?
**
If your friend is coping in ways that worry or frighten you, you can talk to her directly and compassionately about it. Use “I” statements. “I’m worried about your behavior because I care about you and I’m scared you’ll be hurt” rather than “Your behavior is out of hand and you’re not dealing with anything you need to deal with.” Try to stay compassionate with the reasons she’s acting out. “Dealing with this stuff can seem overwhelming, so I see why you’re doing these things. I’m still scared because what you’re doing is harmful.” Offer support, if you feel comfortable giving it. “It seems like you’re experiencing some long-term effects of trauma. What you’re doing is normal for trauma survivors, and I’m around to talk if you need someone to listen.”
Depending on what she’s doing and how open to this you think she’ll be, you can pass along support and information resources (Alcholics Anonymous, self-injury.net, etc) to her.
Write back if you’ve got more specific questions!
Anonymous asked: HI, I’m the anon who asked about dreams v flashbacks. I just wondered if it was possible that I may have suppressed memory? I’ve had less traumatic dreams the past few nights, but I have this strange recollection from school in which I was telling the very friend who told me of the rape about why i had been acting strangely. I remember explaining how I was attacked, and it fits with what i remember from my dreams. I suddenly don’t feel very comfortable around that friend. I’m not certain why.
**
It is possible to have suppressed memories. I cannot tell you whether or not what you’re experiencing is indicative of having suppressed memories, but it’s possible. Explore what it would mean if you DO have a suppressed memory, and what it would mean if you don’t. Allow yourself mental space for both possibilities without self-judgment for not knowing.
And if you don’t feel comfortable around someone, that’s fine. You’re not obligated to feel comfortable or spend time with someone if something is coming up for you. If you feel comfortable with this friend later, you can see them then.
Lucy and Alex from A Couple Of Wankers Blog - click here to see more
(via queerandpresentdanger)
A big list of people, articles, books, videos, etc that I have come across and give out to folks who attend my workshops. A lot of this is work others have done that I have just compiled and add to frequently as things pop up on my radar. My next goal is to add a section of links to body positive quotes.
Enjoy!
(via queerandpresentdanger)
aka photos of boring white men with fancy hair
Because all men are white and muscular with facial hair right
If you’re trying to examine gender and gender roles while still profiling a specific body type within a gender then I think maybe you’re doing it wrong
But if your idea was to confront men who are attracted to masculinity by juxtaposing femininity with what is supposed to be attractive i.e. traditional forms of masculinity while still upholding said forms of masculinity rather than deconstructing them
I think you’re still doing it wrong
Sorry I’m not sorry
I totally agree.
Study finds TV can decrease self esteem in children, except white boys -
If you are a white girl, a black girl or a black boy, exposure to today’s electronic media in the long run tends to make you feel worse about yourself. If you’re a white boy, you’ll feel better, according to a new study led by an Indiana University professor.
Nicole Martins, an assistant professor of telecommunications in the IU College of Arts and Sciences, and Kristen Harrison, professor of communication studies at the University of Michigan, also found that black children in their study spent, on average, an extra 10 hours a week watching television.
“We can’t deny the fact that media has an influence when they’re spending most of their time — when they’re not in school — with the television,” Martins said.
Harrison added, “Children who are not doing other things besides watching television cannot help but compare themselves to what they see on the screen.”
Their paper has been published in Communication Research. Martins and Harrison surveyed a group of about 400 black and white preadolescent students in communities in the Midwest over a yearlong period. Rather than look at the impact of particular shows or genres, they focused on the correlation between the time in front of the TV and the impact on their self-esteem.
“Regardless of what show you’re watching, if you’re a white male, things in life are pretty good for you,” Martins said of characters on TV. “You tend to be in positions of power, you have prestigious occupations, high education, glamorous houses, a beautiful wife, with very little portrayals of how hard you worked to get there.
“If you are a girl or a woman, what you see is that women on television are not given a variety of roles,” she added. “The roles that they see are pretty simplistic; they’re almost always one-dimensional and focused on the success they have because of how they look, not what they do or what they think or how they got there.
“This sexualization of women presumably leads to this negative impact on girls.”
With regard to black boys, they are often criminalized in many programs, shown as hoodlums and buffoons, and without much variety in the kinds of roles they occupy.
“Young black boys are getting the opposite message: that there is not lots of good things that you can aspire to,” Martins said. “If we think about those kinds of messages, that’s what’s responsible for the impact.
“If we think just about the sheer amount of time they’re spending, and not the messages, these kids are spending so much time with the media that they’re not given a chance to explore other things they’re good at, that could boost their self-esteem.”
Martins said their study counters claims by producers that programs have been progressive in their depictions of under-represented populations. An earlier study co-authored by her and Harrison suggests that video games “are the worst offenders when it comes to representation of ethnicity and gender.”
Other research is starting to show the impacts of other kinds of entertainment sources, such as video games and hand-held devices. It indicates that young people are becoming creative at “media multitasking.”
“Even though these new technologies are becoming more available, kids still spend more time with TV than anything else,” Martins said.
Interestingly, the young people were asked about their consumption of print media, but the results were not statistically significant.
Martins conducted the research while she was completing her Ph.D. at the University of Illinois, as part of a larger longitudinal study done with her co-author, Harrison. They sought out certain school districts in Illinois because of their diversity, but African-Americans were the predominant minority group.
making a totally unsurprised face here
(Source: sparkamovement, via queerandpresentdanger)
[video]
[video]
Two folks that I read as dudes were making out in the window across from mine for awhile and then they closed the curtains, followed by all sorts of slapping and spanking noises followed by moans and eventually crying.
I <3 my kinky neighbors!
Oh, that was the neighbors? I wish they would leave their curtain open.
Also can you hear that? What even is that noise? It sounds like some heavy duty power tools coming from their room. My imagination is going full tilt at this point.
<3
Two folks that I read as dudes were making out in the window across from mine for awhile and then they closed the curtains, followed by all sorts of slapping and spanking noises followed by moans and eventually crying.
I <3 my kinky neighbors!
Oh, that was the neighbors? I wish they would leave their curtain open.
Uggh right?! I purposefully stripped to my cute pink undies and was reading in bed with my ass all toward the window all like, “oh, i’m so nonchalant and totally don’t care” while watching them in the closet mirror as they checked out my ass for a little while.
Living next to a hotel is seriously the best ever.
Undocumented student publishes how-to guide for peers on finding jobs after college -
This is so helpful! Please share!
here’s a link to an online copy of this guide, written by iliana perez.
(Source: radicalsocialworker, via grrlyman)
oh my.
#4322 of Things I Didn’t Know I Wanted to See First Thing in the Morning
(Source: upkiltbears, via city-of-orchids)